10:04 am- sept.29th

life, the curiosity and hopefulness i posses towards it makes my time served a lot more easier to deal with, hopefully it does not make me hand over my abstract vision and optimism .. would be the last thing i would want to happen .. here's to falling freely.. i hope i don't go splat deifying the laws of gravity..

a friend of mine was speaking and mentioned something .. and it made me ponder ... she said and i quote,

"You will NEVER find someone that WONT hurt you. So find someone WORTH the PAIN!!"

and the more i think about the statement made, it becomes more apparent that this claim might be true to a certain extent depending on the interpretation..

wish there was an exception to this rule besides God , but it seems inevitable ...

5:54am -sep27th

Redefining what our life is seems to be a norm in the struggle of self betterment.. although it has its variation depending on the human being, it is all the same.. best of luck to all those who search and strive for the means to succeed

just a thought- 3:42 am Sep 26

to love what is lost is to love the absence of presence..on the contrary loving what is not seen or understood can be quit the common necesity ...unfamiliar it may seem, but relevant in all plateaus of reason.. i ponder the foundation which it stands but in some cases things are simple and not so complex to proceed with an in depth explanation... so therefore i will leave it as it stands..

Black Bird

Black bird so elegant.. So beautiful.. yu fly so gracefully.. I love yur presence.. beautiful black bird.. although yu carry the weight of the world on yur shoulder yu hold yur head up high.. and cry in the presence of the unkonwn to reach peace is all you search for to be content.. i care for you.. leave seeds outside my window for when ever yu will return as yu journey on yur journey alone know I watch in the distance.. I love yu black bird.. stay strong black bird.. i know none knows yur pain.. to comprehend yur pain would take an eternity.. but I will be here to listen to yur soft poetic harmony cry.. when yu chirp I will come.. and shelter yu from the storm when ever yu need it.. until then.. fly safe black bird.. fly safe..

Seee my problem is..

i gave my word that i will be there for you and never leave you in the cold and since i always keep my word.. when you dont allow me to do so.. it then bothers me..

Never been the type to make empty promises...

dreams, im chasing , i just wanna be successful.. even if no one else believe it . i'ma achieve it or die breeding it

I hope when yu think of me you still can see the light behind the masquerade of deflection .. the good that's hidden behind the wall of terinney i have built.. the hope i have not crushed.. follow me through darkness as i search for a light.. although once i find it i might be a little tarnished.. all you need to do is polish me and i will be like brand new =]

in so many words

in so many words i can say that all the words in the vocabulary i posses wouldnt be able to defined the temptation you bring forth..

sunsets fade quiclky

beautiful hues transcend into the sky as yu fall..

nature and its beauty appreciated for a moment ..

to understand the beauty of you bewilders me...

my understanding fairly little..

did God add flavor by accident or was your beauty supposed to be relished in?

so short .. but calming.....

thank you for a moment of peace..

well bye then, until i watch you fade again tomorrow..

a blog worth reading

http://madeiinbraziil.blogspot.com/2009/09/i-am-not-afraid.html

i have you

babe please understand i have you,

no matter what the circumstances .. i have you

i will be hear for you.. and no that my vacation away from you is to build me up and make me a better human being...

i love you and want nothing else .. you have me.. my soul mate..

when times are hard ...think of that scripture.. and know.. no word spoken out my mouth to you is in vain

and know that your faithful-nes is not either.. stand string my love.. i love you and together we can and will accomplish anything

on the side f every strong man is a strong faithful woman.. your are on my side which means you are my strong faith-full supporting woman and i appreciate you in ways one couldn't explain.. my heart thanks you..

i had a dream... and in this dream you became disabled babe..but i stuck by you 100% never looked an others way.. because you fulfill my hearts requirements and i want to experience life with you ..the worlds definition is irrelevant.. tons of girls?don't need .. all i need is one and you are by far it to me..thank you for being my partner in crime.. my companion..i have high hopes =]

and i will be also you back bone support you in anything you do .. reach your goals i Will be here for you.. trust me ..i have you.. and you.. have me.. i love you sweet heart .. good night

my night/morning

My night /morning was great on south beach, drinks with great people.. a call from my heart.. hookah.. food.. and meaningful conversation i can keep tucked away for a rainy day to brighten my spirit and raise my moral.. what more could i ask for.. =]i am going to bed happy.. i cant wait for tomorrow!

window pane

From a distance in my room Rain drops. Form and. f a l l.. hit my window pane.. dot..dot dot.. drip.. drip.. drip.. the rain hits my window pane.. palm trees .. bring forth rustling sounds..lighting strikes.. i walk to the window press my index finger to glass and proceed to write S H O T U A R I I A N.. place a period at the end with a heart.. look toward my right shoulder and give it a look filled with endearment and press my lips towards my skin.. turn back to the window and stare..eyes glare.. i whisper in the air.. i miss you..contemplating in my mind, can you hear me. Can you configure that distance means nothing..and i haven't forgot or lost any...real is what this is...striving is a given, worrying is obsolete. Time passes by.. let the clock burn.. patiently waiting.... they say dreams do come true. And good things can last forever.. So our dreams will to.. i love you Ms.O'Brien..

Not llike Crazy

babe when we first met i was the threat.. the who yu could never forget

..amazing is what you said..

who thought being me could led down the path to where i wannaa be.

.as we..me and you danced tears fell gently from you eyes..

i kne right then i saw you and you saw me from a different perception , no deception..

we saw c l e a r l y ..

fastforward time...

nothings change just the date..feelings remain..

.

the past so so bright as it sets ..

so vivid my memory banks perceive too well.

.is it crazy that one could love yu so openly and deeply as me..

make yu ponder my the road we will take and where we can be when we grow old.

imagine seeds that we sprout and nurious..

with names similar to me and you..

..well except it ..

not like crazy but baby just let it be reality..embrace it.. this is what real loves feel like..

Not like crazy.. but the meaning goes deeper than the words can relate.

her touch manifest

Her touch manifest unknown feelings..

congers my courage from the obis..

she drives me from curiosity to obsession..

gentle words never felt so soft..

tribulations never felt so minut.

Contemplating suicide..

Fuck it ready to go to hell..

Starting to be crushed by the pressure.

... no words.. just rope neatly fastened...no tears, just a chair with me standing..

Kick... push... hang..

my Mistress with out touch she teases me thro technology .. she feeds me thro wires .. electricity.. shes full of, show me thy keyboard and ill show yu thy mouse.. teach me how to type slow and ill teach yu how to research... my Mistress without hands we touch..

intoxic ated confession

intoxicated.. feeling real smooth listening to rick ross- rich off cocaine all i can think about is the future .. where i came from and where im going... never felt i could spend my life with ne one.. till i met yu.. listenin to this song makes me picture our future.. im here for good.. real shit yu got me shontauriian .. theres no turning back thro thic and thin.. im on yop of the world.. i got jobe my queen and journey the world with me..im hope yu always love me cus in the mist f the miami lifestyle .. fun is everywhere girls are present left to right but more and more it shows me how hapy i am to be with yu .. something real in the mist of artifical i have bever cared for sum1 soo deep.. i admire yu to the fullest extent.. i must admit love im yurs.. yu tamed a beast and brought good out of me .. i will always be a friend..a lover.. a companion.. understand.. you are what i want to spend my life with seriously.. my partner in crime my lil hussla.. i hope yu can withstand the world and wait till i retuen to yu .. hopefully .. i want to be like the ppl who have been together sice highschool and etc.. life is aboout new experiences bt the thing is i want to expereince them wit \h yu.. we both been theo the maxx..but lok now yu have a shoilder to rest yur head on.. memebr bjs when yu cried to mee . and said how much yu were ginns miss me and etc..just know that touched my hard heart.. ND KNOW THE WORLD MUGHT BE FUCC UP BUT HEAVEN ISNT HARD TO FIND here in my arms rest peacefully..

redefine

Baby let my love cature theee.. keep yu dry in a storm... is it the way? ...Yu wonder.. it is ..its the way i love you.. nothing in return .. just pay me in smiles. ..i delight in you.. so delight in me.. let me be the reason yu pray the reason yu push forward with yur day, along with youself's determination.. let life problems cease you, i swear me and you .. defintely can impose our mark on the world. Join me... trust me.. i put forth my hand.. take it... embrace my touch as we lay... no fanatsay or mirage.. juss a simple lip press to your forehead...sleep well in these words..as i erase yur past and replace the best you've had while i redefine what passion is..

sadly

sadly to say i am speechless. meaning full of choked up words...saying little .. praying little my moral is dropping no drug could lift me.. falling slowly watching as it unfolds.. leave me be.. to ponder uncertainty.. life is constantly handing me lemons and I'm tired of beef stew..

a little joy maybe could swing my way.. how about some happiness please..sadly it is out of stock ..

time will bring the real end to our trial , one day there will be no remmants .. no trace.. no residual feeling within you...

one day you wont remember me..

when this time comes your face will still be the reason i smile..

when you are set free from me.. to see clearly...

i had to led .. you had to let.. i had to leave..

i promise i will return ... better nights, better times, better days..

i miss you beyond more...

be free... ='[ i love till earths end .. i cant see what i can t have forever...

this cant be.. away from me? the love i want with me .. it cant be ....

the one who is my all.. why me?.. why thee? am i ment to be without thee..? please be a test...

lovee.. lovve.. darling..my darling love please dont let our love riegn seasonal....

shed so many tears

Im feeling lost.. no smiles on no cheers .. just sad filled faces and depression..

. sinned beyond redemption..

My soul deleted. Label me greedy .. and corrupt .. you the world has made me this way..

all i want and pressure is what fancies me.. which are things of nothingness

Fuck the world i feel curse..God if yu could please take me away from the pain... and pressure

Show me happiness on earth... Before i reach the place where water doesn't exist and torment last forever... damn where did i fell...

Im lost and weary.. so many tears .. im feeling suicidal.. no courage to take from myself the misery i am embedded in.. maybe cus of my creeping conscience ..

lonely seems to be the best option as i fade into the background.. lord knows i been a witness to many things.. .. my mind paint pictures but all of them are clouded.. as i drink wine ..to reach forgetfull-ness 1:43am the clock turns..

the place i reside is my mind. which i cant escape.. my own captivity.. far from any civilization.. alone i rest and alone i will awake...

feeling as if no longer will i exsit..and i wanna leave my mark onthe earths floor.

Will i survie till tomorro.. death seems so close.. so sweet .. do i invite or ... push away ..the dilemma this life for me?

..

what of it..

soon i will return to my essacne the dirt which i came.. tired of being surrounded by promise makers who tend to do which humans do.. forgetfulness they say..smh... no ones worth thier weight and gold therfore theirs tend to hit cement and brake like dinner plates more often than standing firm

my cry for help no one hears .. it so subtle so sweet im calling so it seems i wlli be saving saving my self again? .. tired of it..

i have been sucked dry.. becoming everyone strength feeling depleted holding it all in and taking on everyone elses..

believing in fairy tales i admit..i fancy them but more and more the feeling of becoming one seems slimm..so use to words failing to the ground how long will they hold.. hopefully eternity .. but if not..

Don't worry about me lonely is what im use too solo is how i wonder the earth .. mayb true love and happiness is ment for a chosen few mayb i been thro too much to be apart of that secret society or mayb i am like the orphan annne.. the sun will come out tomorrow....one hopes....

the ones i love remember i will love you forever.. my heart is darken all over except tthe places yu all reside.. no names yu know who yu are.. but for now forget me live freely ...

and i fadee to nothingness.. helplessly.. alone.. tormented by the demons i left undelt with .. bye bye

sweet nothings part 2

Come here boo let whisper in yur ear sumthin that might seduce you.. yeah the lies I tell might coem true yu feel it ?…well then I feel it to ... yeah that's it let yur guard down boo.. now let me ease closer to , wow who knew .. how open I got chu.. got me shocked too. Mvoin from square one now we at square two... almost there babe let me paint for you.. the meaning of lust with a hint of true love .. oops yu cant have one with out other ? So not true... for the moment ill be for boyfriend number two.. or any number yu presume..yeah yu loo lovely does that too.. I bet it does .. now I stare deep yu feel something .. don't make a peep.. just believe I'm the one dor this night could that be cool? Yeah for the night its me and yu.. love me .. if yu want .. now my reach up yur summer dress this ant cool.. I feel your temperature rise now moister dilutes you .. I think I made it to square three.. there is no more you..now we are intertwined just me and you which equals two notice I said two because there is no us
, just me on top of you