such a big world for an army of one .. as i battle life anxieties i am faced with the facts i will only live once, experience true love once, have a first born once, indulge in life's secrets once.. i will only be given one shot.. and the the bullets will reunite me to the ground which i came from and my soul will either find peace or be tormented forever.. i realize i don't have forever to love so i love you all now i experience and live life to the best of my abilities, because time is flying so hastey.. i stare into nothing and see everything .. ironically how shy we are .. to only be truly honest when we are by ourselves .. the only time we feel free to speak or feel or ponder our deepest emotions.. our desires.. so broken i am before myself .. only i can comprehend the depth and simplicity my being posses....
i change lanes on a regular i sway back and forth with ideas..the insanity to others is sanity to me.. as i sit out in the humidity i see mirages of what could be and live out my life enclosed in my mind i take journeys in every-field i go down every-path and then snap back to where i am in my life, which is now. not to say i havent lived because in my mind i have , now the idea is to turn ones (pause) beautiful faces pass me by one after another overwhelming the the soft tissue of my body , funny the urges that come forth.. but yet i react not, but confident becomes me .. self pleasing ... only thing is the face in the crowd i would like to see is no where present . my high falls , confident weakens and i began to wonder how life is in the past for her..or is it the present .. because i live in the future ..
i tend to calculate and manipulate my steps to bring me closer to my depiction of what i want life to be and how i feel it should be ran.. how naive of me because the more i try to control the more i see how my hands are tied and how things are out of my will. All i can do is what i have been doing making the choices .. the weight is heavy .. the ground does not give ..i wish i had someone to help lift this load of depression which ways me down the wolrd sends me obstacles i wish they would cease the only way to be completely at peace is to commit and act unforgivable which i am not willing to do . so i must hold strong ..
with all this being said i will continue to smile. so i say "cheeese "
